When She's Gone

I suppose Mother's Day is supposed to be a difficult day for me. But to be perfectly honest, it's not any more difficult than any other day. I didn't just celebrate my mom on Mother's Day. I didn't reserve Mother's Day to give thanks for the immeasurable blessing of my mom or to appreciate the relationship my mom and I shared. Nope- these things happened EVERY DAY. No lie. That saying, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" couldn't be further from the truth when it comes to my mom. I knew how special she was. I thrived on her guidance, friendship, support, and love. I shared a bond with her that was never taken for granted... Not ever.

This is the second Mother's Day since my mom passed away. And yet, I feel her with me now more than any other time in the past two years. I hear my mom in my own voice- literally. Not just in what I say, but in her way. Same phrases, same enunciation and inflection. These moments are snippets of the most valuable treasure to me. Nobody else hears her. Nobody else knows. But I know. And it's a shared moment with my mom that makes her alive again. Sometimes it feels like my mom is speaking to me, through me. And I'm ok with that.

My decisions are more thoughtful as I recall conversations with my mom. What advice did she give me? What example did she provide? How would my mom handle a situation? I miss being able to talk with my mom and ask her all of my important (or trivial) questions. I miss having her ear to listen to me vent over the most inconsequential matters. I miss her subtle (ok, not always) nudges on how to handle something or someone. But I find myself still following my mom's lead. My recollections and reflections of her help to guide me each day.

So... On this Mother's Day, I give thanks for my mom just like I do every other day. I cherish my mom and cling to my memories of her and our relationship. For those of you fortunate enough to still have your mom here with you, don't waste a moment of your time with her. Don't neglect to appreciate every small essence of her being. Soak in every piece of advice, wanted or not. Talk with her everyday, many times. And tell her what she means to you- always, not just on Mother's Day.

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