I Don't Want To...
It's August 9th and it's the first nice day we've had in quite some time. Today has been a great day and it's only 1:00! I woke up to no alarm, had nowhere to be, and no obligations. After scrolling through Facebook and Instagram, I enjoyed a cup of coffee with Sid while she slurped hot chocolate. We chatted about our summer so far and how we don't want it to end. And then we took the pup for a walk, always a great time of conversation with my little lady.
I baked a fresh peach crumb cake for a friend, made turkey sandwiches for lunch, and prepped Chase for a sleepover at his buddy's house.
Now, Sidni and I are enjoying a lazy day at the pool where she's just made a new friend. Life can't get much better.
And in two weeks, it's back to work... For the first time, I really dread returning to a career that I have always loved. I have never enjoyed a summer more. Sure, we did fun things and went on an amazing vacation to Mexico. But what I enjoy more than anything is being home with my kids and only having to schedule the days around them, not my workday. I thrive on having the freedom to take my kids here and there or doing nothing at all. My kids want me around. They want my attention. They want to share their time with me. It won't always be this way.
It is crushing to head back to work. I'm split into what feels like a hundred pieces, never being on the top of my game at any of it. I can't take my kids to school, make them breakfast each morning, be a room mom, or attend school holiday events. I can't just take a day off to have lunch with them or see them give a classroom presentation. All the things I know my kids wish I could do. My wish, too.
I don't want to go back to work. I want to be a mom. Nothing else... just mom.